(Or how to heal a wounded ego that feels pretty much worthless).
Not being the star can take place in many settings: family environments, social life, work and so on. You find yourself having to perform next to someone who gets all the airplay and applause. You feel the pressure of having to meet the expectations set by this individual, but have no energy or motivation to do so. Soon you loose sight of yourself and all you can see is the star and the differences between you and this leading character.
To avoid getting burnt by somebody else’s blaze you must be very skilled at spotting your negative thoughts and eliminating them as soon as possible. These go from feeling worthless, to seeking the approval of others and trying to imitate others by doing things that you don’t like to do. These thoughts are wrong. Once you identify them, you need to understand that it’s your responsibility to change your thinking.
Steps to take:
- Understand that feeling worthless fits the category of “the victim”, a very disadvantageous category to fill.
- Since you have now identified your thoughts and you know that you have to eliminate them, you are not entitled to be “the victim” anymore but “the connoisseur”.
- Once you are the connoisseur it is strictly forbidden to feel the victim or you will perish.
- Commit this formula to memory: Feeling worthless = Not dedicating your life to the things you enjoy.
- Make a list of things you like to do and re-structure your daily activities to include as many items as possible from your list. (This is something very personal and you will have to figure it out on your own. For some it may be as easy as putting some time aside daily for a favorite activity, such as hunting lizards, while for others it may be more complex and it may involve drastic changes such as looking for a new job, or finding a new owner!).
The moment you start implementing these steps you will start developing a subtle “I don’t give a rat’s fur” attitude toward any negative external influence and you will start experiencing joy.
I’ve learned this from my brother, Felipe (living with my brother is actually insightful). For years I’ve watched him go about his business confident and with determination. He has mastered the art of being himself wholly at all times and being the best at it.
I will illustrate my point: in numerous attempts to live up to the expectations created by my brother Felipe, I’ve done things that I didn’t like to do such as eating a piece of banana or sitting on my hind legs like a circus animal. None of these efforts brought me much “fame or glory” and what’s more important, they didn’t make me happy.
One fine morning, I spotted a splendid insect with a thousand legs, all moving at the same time. Absolutely fascinating! Without hesitation I set on a mission to corner the multi-legged creature and lead him to his finale. I had forgotten how much I enjoy hunting insects! Even my brother sat to watch me and our Lady pulled out her camera and filmed the whole thing.
While I was pursuing the multi-legged being, I was being myself and I was having fun. Later I realized that no one expects me to be like Felipe, it was only my insecure unsatisfied self that wanted to be like him.
People usually appreciate you more for the real you than for trying to be someone else. Those who don’t like the real you are not worth your attention. The problem comes when you don’t like the real you and you don’t like the real you when you are not having fun. In order to have fun you need to dedicate time for those things that you were designed to do in life.
I am not a victim anymore, I am a connoisseur!
Become a connoisseur and be yourself!
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